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What is Mentoring?

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There are probably as many 'flavours' of mentoring as there are mentoring relationships.

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However, they are all characterised by a normally older, more senior and more experienced person using their skills, knowledge and experience to support a normally younger, more junior and less experienced person in making decisions and choices about some aspect(s) of their life.

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There's nothing to say that there needs to be that age gap, but it is usual. Indeed, mentoring can work very satisfactorily with the mentor being younger than the mentee.

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(Yes "mentee" is a horrible word but it's commonly used these days!)

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The important thing is that the the mentor has more knowledge and experience in the aspect, or aspects, of the mentee's life that they want support with.

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It is different from teaching, tutoring and coaching, in that the mentor's job is to assist the mentee in their own thinking, so that they themselves can solve whatever dilemma they have, not to tell them how to do something or what to do.

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I say "dilemma", but mentoring can still be very beneficial even if there is no immediate problem to solve. Indeed, prevention is generally better than cure, and mentoring can help individuals develop and be ready to face whatever challenges, problems and choices that they will have to face in their lives in the future.

Mentees don't have to have only one mentor at a time, and they can change their mentors as and when changing to someone with different skills, knowledge and experience would be beneficial.

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How does Mentoring work?

 

Again, although there are some basic 'rules' within mentoring, one mentoring relationship can work quite differently to another.

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Where the mentoring relationship is working within a defined scheme (such as an industry or company scheme) there are often rules - or at least strong guidance - on how the mentoring should work. Examples are: length of the relationship, frequency of mentoring sessions, use of a mentoring agreement, etc.

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However, there always needs to be some flexibility, as the nature of whatever the mentee needs support with, their availability, and what else is going on in their lives, will vary with every mentee.

You can think of each mentoring relationships having six phases:

• Mentee/mentor matching

• 'Chemistry-checking'

• Kick-off

• Ongoing sessions

• Closing the relationship

• Post-mentoring period

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It's important to understand that in a mentoring relationship it is the responsibility of the mentee to drive the process. They take the lead at every stage, including arranging sessions and agendas for those sessions. With the 'power-difference' that typically exists in mentoring relationships (the relative seniority of the mentor normally puts them in a more powerful position) it may not come naturally to either party that the mentee needs to be in control.

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Mentee/mentor matching

 

If the mentee is seeking a mentor through an organised scheme, matching with a potentially suitable mentor is sometimes carried out by the team that run the scheme, and sometimes by the mentee considering and selecting from an approved list of mentors.

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Where there is no organised scheme, the mentee has to try to identify someone they personally already know within their organisation or otherwise within their professional network; someone recommended to them; or perhaps a family member or friend.

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It is best for mentees to avoid people who have direct (or indeed indirect) responsibility for them, people who they are close to and/or knows them well, and anyone they cannot completely trust.

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'Chemistry-checking'

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Just because a mentee/mentor matching looks good on paper doesn't mean that it is going to work in practice.

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Mentees and mentors are human beings, and personalities matter. If you are not well-matched in terms of attitudes, temperaments, and other human factors, the relationship may not be effective.

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This 'chemistry-checking' can usually be done pretty quickly and simply. An exchange of introductory emails, and a short introductory meeting is all that's needed.

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Kick-Off

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This is the first proper session.

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It builds on what's been said in the 'chemistry-checking' phase, and aims to reach a mutual understanding of what both parties want and expect out of the relationship.

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When possible, it's good to set some objectives and targets, but that is often not possible to achieve at this stage.

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It is essential, though, to agree ground rules around confidentiality and boundaries. It should go without saying that whatever is said in sessions should not be revealed outside the relationship without the agreement of both parties. However, just because strict confidentiality exists does not mean that both mentee and mentor will be happy to discuss anything and everything that might be relevant. Often, aspects of a mentee's personal life are influential factors affecting their professional life; are they to be included in the discussion? My very strong advice is: yes, they should be. We are whole beings, and every part of our lives are interconnected and interdependent.

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Ongoing sessions

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As I already said, the mentee is responsible for arranging these with the mentor, and deciding how each session is to be used.

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Much of these sessions will be unstructured discussion, with the mentee doing most of the talking.

However, there are tools that can be used to create some structure, such spider-web diagrams of life and work (sometimes called wheels of life and work), personal SWOT analyses, personal development plans, and simple checklists and actions lists.

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In an organised scheme, the approximate number, duration and frequency of these sessions will be predetermined. Where these are not prescribed, provided both parties are in agreement, there are no theoretical limits for these. You will know what feels right.

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Closing the relationship

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Whether it is because of a scheme's rules on durations, changes in mentor/mentee circumstances, or simply because both parties believe it has run its course, all mentoring relationships must come to a close at some point.

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Whenever possible, this should be something that is openly discussed and agreed, and done deliberately rather than by simply letting it peter out. There's nothing complicated about it, though; you just agree to stop meeting.

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I've used the word "closing" rather than "ending" because it seems less final. There is no reason why an informal ad hoc relationship cannot continue indefinitely.

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As with any endeavour, though, it is useful to reflect on what was achieved from the relationship, and what has been learned to feed into future mentoring.

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Post-mentoring period

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Some mentees just need support with a single problem, and once that has been resolved the mentoring relationships ends with no further contact between mentee and mentor.

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However, mentees' dilemmas and challenges are often not straightforward - and often nowhere near as straightforward as they may have originally thought!

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If one thinks of each mentoring relationship as a project, then as with projects the full benefits may not be seen until some time in the future. This is particularly true where there has been no particular dilemma to resolve but instead just some longer-term guidance that was needed.

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I strongly recommend that lines of communication between mentee and mentor are kept open following that closing meeting.

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After all, having invested all of that time and effort in building an effective and useful relationship - and perhaps even friendship - why would you not want that to continue?

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£60 - One-off session

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£300 - Series of six sessions